Blogging Again

I'm thinking alot. I think once Dr. Suess made some weird comment about thinking and how it hurts your braein. I can't think because I'm thinking to much. My head feels all crowded. I'm blogging at the speed of thought here. I don't know what to say, but I feel like I'm saying alot.
I'm thinking alot religion alot lately. I've not agreed with the LDS church for a while now, but I u sed to have some defintion of God and Heaven and Hell. Now I don't even think those are real. I don't know if I'm atheist. I don't think I want to be. I want to beleive that there is a god. I've done some research, and I think I'm beginning to sound a litt agnostic.
Agnostic; def.
•someone who is doubtful or noncommittal about something
•of or pertaining to an agnostic or agnosticism
•a person who claims that they cannot have true knowledge about the existence of God (but does not deny that God might exist)
•uncertain of all claims to knowledge
I'm uncertain about religion in general. I don't think I beleive anything right now, and to be honest, I don't want to know right now. I don't think I want to worry about my religous connections. I'm going to continue going through the motions of being LDS- because whatever it does, I know there's no way that's hurting me. What I do know, is that some of the most wonderful and amazing people I've ever met are faithful to that church. I'm sure even if it is the wrong religion, God'll forgive me for sticking to it for a time. Besides, I need to be a good example for the sibs, and I don't want to pick a fight with family.
I've been struggling with feelings of depression again. School is my biggest tormentor. I freak myself out about school. I rarely do my homework. I have a difficult time paying attention in class. But I freak out. I can't seem to do anything right. I can't stop my mind from wandering. Wandering like Little Bo Peep's sheep...
Little Bo-peep fell fast asleep,
And dreamt she heard them bleating;
But when she awoke, she found it a joke,
For they were still a-fleeting.
Then up she took her little crook,
Determined for to find them;
She found them indeed, but it made her heart bleed,
For they'd left their tails behind them.
It happened one day, as Bo-peep did stray
Into a meadow hard by,
There she espied their tails side by side,
All hung on a tree to dry.
She heaved a sigh and wiped her eye,
And over the hillocks went rambling,
And tried what she could, as a shepherdess should,
To tack each again to its lambkin
My mind wanders from subject to subject. My attention span is crap. I think and I think and I think some more, about all sorts of things- in the words of Lewis Carroll,

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

Why is a raven like a writing desk? I really must read Alice's Adeventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass I'm familiar with them, but I have never actually read them.
Continuing with my ALice theme, I'm as mad a Cheshire cat. I'm not yet eating paper and hearing voices, so don't call the white coats on me- I don't wanna be stuck in a rubber room. It's okay to be a little crazy... here and there... genius is madness, right? Is anyone there? I'm throwing my soul into empty cyberspace?